if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
