I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
