Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
