It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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