woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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