why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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