Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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