you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can't put those talents on a resume
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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