Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
