Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
