Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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