She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
