So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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