Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
