How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize