OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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