Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
