I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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