This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
