I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
