Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
