My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
PS: I just woke up from my shower
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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