hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
