tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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