Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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