Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
