She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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