i barfeds in our rink
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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