see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
