"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
