I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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