You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
