You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
