why didn't you poke me back
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
