I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
