Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
