so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
