So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
