the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm having to shit out rocks
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
