happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
