how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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