Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
