so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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