omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my shit smells like andre
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
