So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
