Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
