omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
