just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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