I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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