Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
