I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
