you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
